Our birth story

So here’s some tea,

Our birth story

Funny thing I never thought to write about it because it was so fast that no one would want to hear about it. I’m not saying that in the form of bragging because if you’ve gone through childbirth you know what I mean, it’s just this story is not a chair gripping tale.

My due date was the 12th of August 2017, I already knew she wasn’t going to stay in there until then, let’s just say mothers intuition. I tried several natural ways to help the process along which means a lot of sex, red raspberry leaf tea, squats and evening primrose.

By the evening of August 7th, I was a miserable mess and my back was on fire. I was so uncomfortable that I didn’t even have the strength to walk down the street to meet my boyfriend at our friends house.

So when midnight hit I noticed that I was having irregular contractions (they didn’t hurt at this point) and we ended up meeting my Midwife at the hospital.

Unfortunately due to the irregularities in the contractions and the fact that of only being 1cm, we were sent back home. The rest of the night/early morning I was in and out of the bath tub. Being in the bath tub helped the piercing back pain; I could of stayed in there all night to be honest I didn’t want to leave.

By 8 am I headed back to the washroom this time to relieve myself (thank goodness, I didn’t want to poop giving birth) as I was wiping I noticed my mucus plug ended up coming out as well. Perfffecttttt! I knew that meant labour is starting and it’s about to get real. In a matter of moments while walking back from the washroom my water broke. Yellowy liquid everywhere … strange I always thought it was clear but little did I know that meant something else.

I ended up waking my boyfriend up and said my water broke!

“so is it time?” He unenthusiastically grunted. To be honest I thought I would just a more dramatic movie scene reaction of a father to be in panic… nope. Better luck next time!

I told him I had to call my Midwife so that’s exactly what I did. I called my midwife and she was a little saucy too to be honest. You can only imagine how unimpressed I am at this point. Due to the colour of my water (which was light yellow) she was convinced I peed myself.

*Eye roll* like I just came from the washroom and plus I’d know if I peed, this was a different kind of release of pressure. Whatever, my contractions were also close enough that she agreed to meet at the hospital.

At 9:30 am we were walking in the hospital and trust me I looked like Quasimodo from the hunchback of Notre Dame walking through the lobby but I refused any and all wheelchairs. Everyone looking at me concerned but.. I knew walking would help labour, so I’ll walk to that damn delivery room even if I was shrieking in pain.

Once I was in the room they discovered the reason why my water was yellow. Not because I peed myself but because Olessia had pooped in the womb. A Paediatrician was on call but no one let me think I should worry. Therefore I wasn’t worried just in pain at this point. It all happened so fast that even thought of an epidural was out of the question. I arrived at the hospital at 4 cm went to 7cm in a half and hour and 10cm not too long after.

Time to get that baby out!!!

My boyfriend was holding my legs with a full view of my crotch (poor guy) and my mom was holding my neck (bad work injury screwed up my neck). I kept saying “I can’t do this, I can’t do this” … but my boyfriend kept reassuring me I could.

At some point I had to use leg stirrups to help me but Olessia was stuck between a flap of skin (I don’t know what it’s called) but instead of cutting me another on call midwife came in the room to assist. She had a trick by wiggling Olessia out, by swaying me back and forth while another tried to push aside the skin. It worked! Once her head was passed that point she slide out like butter (sorry for the visual)

This all happened within 7 minutes. 7 minutes of pushing and our little angel was born. I remember my Midwife asked me if I wanted to feel her hair while she was coming out and I look back now and I wish I did but at the time I’m like no I’m good let’s get her out!

After the Midwife and Paediatrician cleared her and made sure there was no poop in her lung she was all ours. I made my boyfriend do skin to skin right away while I delivered the placenta. The Midwife was so amazed of how healthy my placenta was. We thought it was strange because we had no idea of how amazing it actually was. Another thing I wish I did was make pills out of my placenta. May sound gross to some but it has so many benefits as well as it could of helped with a faster recovery.

By the time I got to the hospital at 9:30am to the 12:55pm on August 8th when she was born, was the most pain I’ve ever been in. Unmedicated, raw and fast are three ways to describe my first experience of childbirth. I didn’t realize how strong I was until I gave birth.

If you ask me would I do it all again, I would in a heartbeat and unmedicated too!

What are three words to describe your childbirth experience?!

I’m not the same woman

So here’s some tea,

I’m not the same woman…

This isn’t a post to rant nor complain but to acknowledge the fact that the woman I once was is no longer. The childless, well rested and timid girl is long gone. When I look in the mirror I don’t see the same person who use to look back at me.

Yes becoming a mother changes you in many physical ways but I want to talk about the changes I noticed that happened to me, mentally after the first year of motherhood. I was and still am what you can call an introvert. I am still quite social but I prefer solitude. I have never craved an attention or a night out in anyway. To be honest I use to make excuses out of going out to parties or clubs. Funny thing is that hasn’t changed but what has changed Is how I view myself.

My insecurities turn to security

As I look in mirrors nowadays I don’t feel the desire to put on make up anymore. I have fallen in love with naked appearance. I’m not speaking about my body but my face. For the first time I can appreciate my flawed skin, my tiny eyelashes and my bushy brows. Even the two designer eye bags that are permanently on my mug. I’ve also come to terms with the fact that my face has started to mature, fine lines are beginning to appear and I’m more than okay with that.

My hair

I don’t even feel the need to straighten out my curls anymore. I use to love to change up my looks, a few times a month but not anymore. My curls are my crown and after 26 years I am finally appreciating them. After constant heat damage and bleaching, my hair is the healthiest it’s been in a decade… a damn decade! Especially after postpartum shedding I’m leaving my hair well enough alone!!

I’ve actually been speaking with a few girlfriends who are au naturel and I’ve been getting their advice on products. It’s been refreshing and beyond helpful! I’m not going to lie to you though, I’ve been dying to try out a protective style ‘faux locs’ (fake dreadlocks). Unfortunately I’m not good at sitting still and waiting for my hair to be done plus my wild child would probably try to pull them out *insert eye roll*

(In my dreams wahhh)

My calling

The need to find my calling in life has grown. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a mom now or what. The things I wanted before my daughter was born don’t seem to matter anymore. What matters to me is finding my passion in life, trying to excel at it and to show my daughter her mom can do it all.

My patience

I have always had a pretty decent amount of patience but that has seemed to change a bit during this first year of motherhood. My patience has amplified for my child in which I try my best to remain as zen as possible. Unless I’m over tired and then it’s like go take a nap, momma needs a second (I think any mom can relate). I’ve learnt to really adjust and analyze situations where more patience’s is needed. Everyday is a new obstacle and I’m a work in progress. So noticing my shortcomings have helped me fix and discover new ways to better my patience, communication and in all my behaviour. Our children are a reflection of us and I want to teach myself and my daughter better cooping skills for any situation that is thrown at her.

My temper

I’ll say this first I will not argue, that is how I’ve always been. Arguments lead to words you can’t take back and I refuse to do that. You might think then how do you express you’re self when you’re upset. I personally wait until everything has calmed down to talk. If you have something to say to me, speak in a lower tone or not at all. Which is difficult for my 6’5 Polish boyfriend who is generally a loud ass person when he talks.

My love

This is where I’ve noticed my biggest change, is in the way I love. You never knew how much you can love someone until you have a child. Yes, you can love your pets but when you bring a child into the world it’s different. I thought I’ve always loved strong but my love towards my family I’ve created is insane.

I have changed and matured so much within the last year that the woman I once was I don’t miss. The woman I am today has so much more to live for and to love. I can say for the first time I’ve fallen in love with myself and my life. It may not be sunshine and unicorns all the time, nobodies life is but it’s my life. So I may not be the same woman but that’s okay….

Do you feel like a different woman after becoming a mother? I’d love to know!

Xo

Showering is a luxury

So here’s some tea,

Were you lucky enough to take a shower before dinner time? I envy you. After becoming a mother I didn’t realize how small things such as showering becomes a luxury. You may laugh but I’m serious certain things are not easy or possible to do with a little one around. When they are small enough to be in a bouncer, yes then you can shower but if they’re walking around and active like my little one, it’s insanely hard.

Let’s be real I’m lucky enough to be clothed everyday! (welcome to motherhood, pants not included) Society has put so much pressure on moms to be this idealistic trophy wife. I’m over here aiming for that participation award type of wifey. I came,I saw, I did decent! Eventually I came to realize quick that the idea of becoming this showered, face beat, dressed to the nine and ‘I use the washroom alone’ type of mom wasn’t realistic.

Looking back I took for granted my regular showers and my weekly bubble baths; where I’d have a Guinness and a good book. Now I have five minute showers hearing phantom cries, followed by being bombarded at the door before I can put on a bra. I’ve become very accustomed to being a grease ball, that being said I still beg for a shower by the time my significant other gets home.

Although it still baffles me how men will take a hour on the toilet. I’m jealous, I have to make it quick because my little one is either making a mess of the toilet paper or wanting to climb all over me. A friend and I joke all the time that in our next life we are coming back as a dads!

Another luxury for moms is getting to eat your food without it getting cold or having to share. Yes sharing is caring (blah blah blah) but really if I hand it to her she’s just going to throw it on the floor. Let momma put it to some good use, so she can keep up with you!

On a daily basis if I’m able to clean up, keep little one on a schedule and also make dinner it’s a win. All those other stuff such as showers, make up, dressing nicely and even sleep are the least of my concern. My names Martikka and I’m a hot mess momma!

Are you a hot mess momma? What luxuries do you miss? Tell me! Tell me!

Mom Fail Fridays – Give me boobie NOW!

So here’s some tea,

Oops I did it again…. another fail. With a million things on my mind and trying to get everything done, I didn’t realize we’ve been out of the house for more than three hours.

Olessia was yelling at me and to be honest it was making me more anxious to hurry up and finish. The yelling started to get a bit much, so I just assumed her teeth were bugging her and she needed comfort. As soon as I put her in my arms she attacks the milk bags, apparently It’s boobie juice time. As an breastfed baby who clearly eats whenever she wants to I didn’t realize she might be hungry during our busy afternoon (faillllllllll).

With my momma superpower of multitasking and my determination to finish my errands, I thought I could do this no problem ….. sounds simple right. Nope because I didn’t want to go find the bathroom I ended up finding a corner in the men’s clothing section (great spot I know) and whipped the boob out. I was desperately trying to cover her up but she wasn’t having it, knocking off anything and everything.

As you can tell, not the easiest thing to do especially when you’re not wearing nursing friendly clothing. My mother, who was with us was laughing and taking pictures while people are watching and staring at us. Nothing to see here just a hungry baby! Next time I have to remember to bring some snacks and pay attention to the damn time!

In all, I’d look like a crazy mess for her any day as long as she’s fed and happy.

Hope you got a quick giggle out of that fail!

&

Have a good weekend xoxo

Judgement free zone – Mommy shame

So here’s some tea,

We’ve all dealt with some sort of mommy shade or shame, from the day we found out we were pregnant to the rearing of our little ones. It’s enviable, it will happen if you like it or not. Trust me I wish it wouldn’t happen. It would be nice if as parents, grandparents and damn well as human beings we can refrain from sticking our judgey nose in other people’s life choices.

I’ve experienced shade throughout my pregnancy even till now. Oh man, the day everyone found out we were having a girl. Is it me or do you notice a difference of people’s excitement for you depending on the gender?

As a female myself I can say without a doubt girls rock! Eh okay maybe not every aspect of it but in general we are pretty bad ass. And Yes we probably will try for a boy eventually but if we have another girl yay! Glitter parties all around.

Having a daughter is a blessing, so don’t you ever disregard my little warrior princess she will do amazing things. And for those who have a misogynistic and sexist view of having a male heir to pass the family name on; chill out. We aren’t royalty my daughter will do the name proud (clearly I’m passionate about it)

A few subjects I’ve recently talked about were postpartum bodies, breastfeeding and cosleeping. You don’t understand the amount of judgement that is tagged along with pretty much all of them.

“you’re going to have a mom bod”

Well no guff but there’s nothing negative about that. I don’t look like a swimsuit model and I don’t plan to. I’m comfortable with how I look and my man doesn’t mind the sight either, so I’m golden Pony-boy. If you don’t want to look at my saggy boobs and stretchy tummy in a bikini don’t look because I’m about to bay watch in this place (cue slow motion)

“You’re still breastfeeding ?”

“How long do you plan to breastfeed?”

“You want to self wean? Why? “

“Formula fed? really you couldn’t breastfed?”

“It’s more healthier to breastfed”

Okay first off I was a formula baby and my daughter is a breast milk baby. We are both more than fine and healthy. Which ever you choose you know best for your child. Breastfeeding is not only physical but emotional. Many things can hinder lactation. Therefore, when some moms can’t produce there is a lot more going on than you think so hush and please don’t judge. This isn’t a competition of which is the best, do what’s best for you and your baby! Forget the rest.

Cosleeping and raising your little one is where I’m at today. My daughter sleeps in her crib attached to our bed. If you don’t like that then that’s fine, you aren’t sleeping there so it’s not your concern. Raising your little one and disclipne is new to me. This is my first baby so I’m figuring it out as I go but she’s young and doesn’t quite understand “no” yet without giggling.

I still get those judgey looks in the supermarket when she’s gets fussy or the turned up faces when she gets her way. It’s funny because it’s always the ones without children or elderly people that have an issue. It makes me laugh though when you pass another mom and their child is being just as loud. You end up making eye contact with each other and a smirk as some sort of solidarity of the struggles of parenthood.

Moms stop judging each other, we are all trying to figure it out.

Everyone else piss off please 🙂

#judgementfreezone

Letter to my daughter- He’s the father I never had

Dear Olessia,

One day you’ll be big enough to realize that your father would give you nothing less than the world. Since the day you were born a light has been lit in him that I’ve never seen before. I watched a man become a father. He fell in love with a girl and that girl was you.

When you’re three, pull out a chair and invite him for tea parties. He’s been waiting for them ever since he found out about you. I never had that…

When you’re five, ask him to walk you to school. His hand might be big and a bit rough but hold on tight, his grasp is the safest place I know. I never had that….

When you’re ten and someone is mean to you, talk to him. He has the best shoulders lean on and he has great advice. I never had that…

When you’re twelve and you get your first period it’s okay; send him to go get you pads. Trust me he knows what they are and he’s not grossed out by it. I never had that…

When you’re sixteen and he spoils you for your birthday. Be grateful my dear he works hard to make sure you’re taken care of. He loves you more than you know. I never had that…. (I actually got a late text saying he forgot about my birthday)

When you’re eighteen and you’re headed off to college. Call him once in a while, even just to say hello. There’s no voice he’s love to hear more than yours. I never had that….

When you’re twenty and you think you’re a grown woman don’t forget you’ll always be his little girl. I never had that….

I have never felt a father’s love like that. I felt neglected, betrayal and disappointment all my life. I was a girl seeking a father’s love that was unattainable. Your father my dear is the opposite. You will always be his top priority and the best thing he’s ever done in this world. So my dear love him, cherish and respect him. He’s a good one … I never had that.

Xo

Mom fail Fridays – they feed off our reactions

So here’s some tea,

It’s mom fail Friday! You know what that means another little story or tidbit of a fail of mine.

Children feed off of our reactions, if they hurt themselves they look to you to either cry more or stop entirely. We are our own worst enemies though, as parents we are on edge at all times. We’re keeping an eye out for any dangers lurking ahead. What we don’t realize is that our children mimic our movements, reactions and our emotions. If you are anxious or upset trust me your little one is feeling it too. I can’t count how many times I’ve been so tired at bed time and Olessia will start acting up; she feels my frustration. Funny thing is once she’s in daddy’s arms she behaves. (Seriously child you’re gunna do me like that! traitor)

My child is a thrill seeker, she will do anything to make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. She has this weird obsession on being chased. If it’s crawling around or on the bed she will race to the edge of something, just to wait for you to tense up and leap towards her to catch her. And when I say leap I mean throw my whole damn body flying in the air across the room.

(She stole a thermometer)

I’m not a worrisome parent but when she’s so close to the edge, it’s only normal to worry that she’s going to fall and bust her head open. Ugh to this little girl it’s a game though. I’ve reacted poorly way too many times now that she expects it. She will race to the edge and stop, anticipating my reaction and then laughs hysterically. Huge fail! I think I’ve created a dare devil. I should stock up on bandaids for the years ahead!

This is my first baby and I’m just learning as the days go by. Many of you probably are like ‘this is just the beginning watch’. I don’t doubt it, I will probably always be on pins and needles making sure my little one is safe. All I can do from here on out is stop overreacting. The last thing I want is for my daughter to pick up on that trait. I will let my little dare devil be the wildflower she is but I’ll always be there to catch her.

Do you overreact? Does your little one feed off your reactions? I’d love to hear some of your mom fails!

Xo

Postpartum body

So here’s some tea,

If you aren’t a fan of TMI this is probably not a post for you! Just keeping it real here. This post is my appreciation for our postpartum bodies. Our bodies are beyond remarkable, we create life for Pete’s sake. I like to think of us as some underrated superheroes. Call us the life bringers, increasing the population one human at a time! Has a nice ring to it eh? But I doubt it would sell out in theaters. No one wants to watch blood and fluid spilling out everywhere, while baby Voldemort is shooting out of your crotch.

I got a bit side tracked there; but our bodies go through so many changes from the day we are born to the day we become mothers. (If that’s what life has planned for you of course). What I’m trying to get at is we are phenomenal and that doesn’t change after giving birth either. The fact our uterus’ shrinks itself after birth is unreal but it may be a tiny bit painful. Especially if you’re breastfeeding. While your baby is feeding a chemical is released in your body to signal thetighten and shrinking process” and trust me you can feel it.

And not to be too graphic now but during my early weeks into months of my postpartum healing, my lady parts felt like a tenderized steak and if my boyfriend came anywhere near me it would throb and not in a good way.

Oh and don’t get me started on the first bowel movement, I thought my uterus was falling out. Talk about uncomfortable. My words of advice is to drink lots of water, take your time and don’t push too hard.

Around the three month postpartum mark I also noticed some hair falling out. When I say some I mean my whole damn scalp. Just kidding .. but no really you lose a lot of hair. I had no idea that could happen because no one talks about it. I had an actual bald spot and trust me I was devastated! A little heads up would of been nice like ‘Your hair will be shiny and healthy then fall out, enjoy!’. The hair loss will last about three months, if you’re lucky. After that your hair will start to grow back but believe me when I say the growing out period is not so cute.

(The hair loss was real)

When it comes to getting your body back in shape it’s a bit different. It can be easy for some and hard for others. Especially when it comes to the idea of “snapping back”. Which to be honest, the whole societal pressure of snapping back really ticks me off. I’m sorry but you have given birth to a child, it’s okay to still be carrying baby weight for a while.

Society is so skewed that it has people thinking you have to go straight from the hospital back into the gym just because Barbara from down the street has a flat tummy after birth. Please give yourself a shake. The titanic pushed its way out of your nether regions or you were cut open (for all those moms who had a c-section) Your body deserves the rest!

My postpartum healing was eventful to say the least. The birth of my daughter was fairly quick, No stitches no rips or anything like that. I was lucky, but the healing process is where I hit a road block. From the day after birth, the postpartum bleeding was heavy handed but my midwives assured me it was normal. Within the first two weeks I started waking up in cold sweats. I was constantly drenched and freezing in the middle of August. The cold sweats lasted probably a good week until they subsided.

Unfortunately it followed with back cramping and even more blood loss. I was confused because reading online by 5-6 weeks blood should be minimal and almost gone. For me it wasn’t the case,it was getting worse.

I was gaining weight on-top of being bloated, swollen and in pain. I was just eating to ease my discomfort. I continued to push through because I never had a baby before and I didn’t know what healing was suppose to feel or look like.

On one evening out I realized the pain I was in was so excruciating that something had to be wrong. I ended up having to go to the walk-in clinic the next day, which they ended up sending me to the hospital. The walk-in clinic doctor believed I might of had some placenta left over and had to go to the emergency right away.

After 12 hours in the damn hospital and a very eager ultrasound technician they discovered it was actually my appendix. My appendix was found on the opposite side of my body probably due to the way it dropped after birth. My appendix was so swollen that it was pushing down and was somehow irritating my uterus causing it to swell and bleed more. Fun stuff I know!

Thankfully it was taken out before it ruptured.

After my appendix was removed the bleeding stopped and everything seemed to be right as rain. It just sucks that my first two months of healing was pretty rough; from birth to surgery.

Once I was all healed, I eventually started to work out little by little. I still refuse to step on a scale because to me it isn’t about how much I weigh anymore. It was about how I feel. I’ve heard from a few women admitting they aren’t ready for kids because they don’t want to ruin their bodies. To me that was upsetting to think someone thinks my body is ruined, I thought the futherest from that. My body was meant to give life, it’s not ruined its upgraded. From the appendix scars , stretch marks on my hips, saggy tits to the loose skin. It may sound unattractive to you but I’m going to wear my mom bod proud and as a badge of honour!

My focus isn’t on snapping back or being a fit mom. It’s about being the best mom possible and being able to keep up with my daughter. If I want to eat half a bag of chips I will and feel no guilt… okay maybe some guilt but being a mom isn’t easy. Postpartum healing isn’t easy, so take your time getting back into shape. Even if you seem to feel fine, birth is still a traumatic experience for your body. Take it from me who has had an eventful time healing, relax and enjoy your baby. By the time they’re crawling and walking you’ll get enough exercise chasing after the little stinkers.

Some things you may also experience:

Hemorrhoids

Postpartum depression and anxiety

Perineum tear

Diastasis recti

Seek medical attention if you notice any pain or discomfort. Postpartum healing is serious business. Listen to your body!