Food for thought… working mom? stay at home mom?

So here’s some tea,

A lot of women are tore between a career and motherhood. Society makes us feel like we can’t have it both ways. I know very successful women who have children and are striving in the professional world. It is hard to put a price on missing moments though. As a SAHM ( stay at home mom) right now considering heading back into the workforce thats my biggest hurdle; missing moments with my daughter. Which I know is silly but as a mom you are constantly in your head wondering how and if your decisions are benefiting your children’s life in a positive way.

Eventually I will go back to work, not because I feel like I have to but because once my daughter is in school there is nothing keeping me behind the walls of our family home. I have a degree and to be honest it would be nice to put it to some use. In addition I’ve spoken to many moms and they want their freedom. Hold up; it’s not in a bad way but they want the financial freedom to go out shopping and not worrying about the impending mortgage or bills. The freedom to create something all their own. Motherhood is hard enough but we do lose ourselves. I’ve been trying to stay consistent with my blog but as first time mom of a toddler, its draining.

I want to have an answer for people who ask me “what do I like to do other than being a mom?”

… I’m loss for words

Well I do like writing and I’m teaching myself to sew but it never feels like enough. I have so many ideas in my head that I am my own road block when it comes to achieving them.

I’m a creative person; I like to brainstorm, research and create but what should I create? Where do I start?

I want my daughter to be proud of her mother. I want her to know when it’s her time for her own family that she can have it both ways. No matter if it’s creating something all her own or trailblazer in the business world.

Some women are drawn to their callings in life, May that be a career or a SAHM but never feel like you have to limit yourself to either category. There is a million of subcategories that you can venture into and there is nothing wrong with wanting more for your family. It’s just food for thought. Women are remarkable, our plates may be full but we always go for seconds.

We are the future …

Shout out to the mamas

Shout out to the mamas:

Who are exhausted

Who need a break

Who stay at home

Who work full time

Who try to do it all

Who get overwhelmed

Who are fighting postpartum depression

Who are trying to find themselves again

Who are single mothers

Who are co-parenting

Who are trying not avoid the mommy shame

Who fail at times

Who have lost all patience

Who are fighting to lose the baby weight

Who are fighting to gain weight

Who are breastfeeding

Who are bottle feeding

Who are struggling

Who have broken down a few times

Who are in need of a girls night out

Who are dying for a good nights sleep

Who are looking for some compassion

Who are looking for some help

Who are just looking for someone to say you’re doing a good job…..

No matter what kind of mama you are, you are appreciated and loved. We love our little ones but that doesn’t mean some days aren’t harder than others. The past few weeks I’ve been having a hard time when it comes to patience. Teething on top of what I can only refer to as ‘the terrible ones?’ (I don’t even know if that’s a thing) but the tantrums are real.

I can admit this mama is exhausted, believe me when I say if you are too you’re not alone we have all been there and it’s a sign you need a break. An hour to yourself just to regain some sanity and focus. I’m thinking about jumping back into yoga, one class a week so mama can unwind, destress and be a better and less tense mama in the long run!

If you’re one of these mamas? Have you taken time to yourself? What do you do?!

Friendships after baby …

So here’s some tea,

Friendships just like relationships go through their bumps and hurdles. One bump in particular is a baby bump. Once you start having babies your friendships change. Especially if your friends aren’t at the baby point in life yet. Which there isn’t anything wrong with that, it’s not for everyone. Plus everyone has their own path and journey in life.

I, myself have never been a big partier. I would make excuses out of going out. Let’s just put it out there once again, I’m a HUGE introvert. So when I announced I was pregnant nothing changed but people’s expectations of me. People thought I should soak up my last moments before I transitioned into motherhood. I thought otherwise, I was constantly sick with my daughter so going out was hard for me. When I say sick I don’t mean one or two times. I mean three or four times a day coming out of my nose type of sick. I was constantly bailing on my friends and I felt that it made an impact on my friendships. Only until I posted a picture people finally saw how frail I was due to the morning sickness and I wasn’t milking it.

Although I was lucky enough to be pregnant around the same time as two of my friends. Therefore as my pregnancy progress they became my “go to” people I texted everyday because they understood. I didn’t feel so alone with them any ache or pain they understood and didn’t judge nor think I was complaining. Not like my other friends thought I was complaining but let’s be real no one really wants to hear that your back is throbbing everyday or your glucose test took forever.

It was eye opening though to see people’s reactions and behaviours after the birth of my daughter. It takes events in life to realize who is there for you and who isn’t. I have a few friends who still haven’t met my daughter or only seen her once. Not because of geography just because they have their own stuff going on. Which no shade or anything like that, I understand but It does hurt a bit.

One thing many people without children don’t realize is late night events aren’t easy for us. I would never say make plans around people with children because that’s ridiculous but don’t get upset if one of us or neither can attend because we have a child. I’m sorry, my daughter still relies on me for bed time plus I don’t expect someone to watch her so I can go out. Maybe when she’s older it’ll be different but not right now.

The dynamic of relationships on any level change when you enter a new phase in your life. As you see the one that took the most hits was my friendships. You learn to accept your relationships for what they are and move forward. I’m still not about to go out drinking or partying anymore but I’m okay with that. My life has steered in a new direction and I’m happy. I appreciate the friends who have stuck by me, who love my daughter like their own, who are abroad but close to our hearts and my new mommy friends.

This wasn’t to throw shade; this was more to shine light that being a mom is hard work and sometimes friendships can be affected by that too.

Mom Fail Fridays – Mombie life

So here’s some tea,

As summer is ending; here comes autumn. It has to be my favourite time of the year. Everything starts to cool off with orange and red accents everywhere. Yes I’m basic but hand me a pumpkin spiced anything and I’m a happy girl. With my little one old enough to enjoy fall activities I’m beyond excited.

What will her costume be? What should I be for Halloween? Maybe a zombie? Because that’s how I’m feeling nowadays. Today’s version of mom fail friday is two “mombie” fails.

Mine – 1 little girl

My little one recently has been very restless in the middle of the night. Thank you teething… *eye roll*

So the other night around 3 am, her restlessness woke me up. I was half asleep, I touched her butt and it was wet. I didn’t even look at my hand I just wipe it on my shirt then proceeded to change her diaper. In my groggy state I looked down at my shirt …. poop. Seriously! Once I changed her and got her back to sleep, I went toss her diaper in the genie. Somehow someway my hand met poop once again. Ughhhhh clearly I need to toss my glasses on when it comes to diaper changes at night.

A friend of mines story – 2 little girls

“My little one woke up at 6 am. Typically I give her a bottle and she goes back to sleep . I try not to turn on a a lot of lights otherwise she’ll be up for good … I poured her milk into the bottle from her thermos . Everything was perfect ! I put her to lay down and gave her the bottle like every other night/ morning …..

Buuuut realized super quickly that my little one was soaked ! This mama was so tired and I forgot to put the stupid lid on the bottle . I knew right then and there this wasn’t going to go well.

The funniest thing was her response . I had to walk away to go get another bottle and clothes & whatnot . Usually she cries but she just looked at me like what in the entire fuck just happened ?!?! Even when I was changing her , she was looking deep into my soul like “ mom , get your shit together “

Have you ever been half asleep and had a mom fail?!

xo

The dreaded sleep regression.

So here’s some tea,

One thing I didn’t know about becoming a mother was sleep regression. I thought once your child starts sleeping through the night you’re in the clear. Oh how I was wrong. In child infancy your little one will go through several sleep regressions.

A sleep regression can be described as a period of time where your baby or toddler sleeping pattern will change abruptly. These changes can include waking up at night, skipping naps or ridiculously short naps. It’s as if you have a newborn again; cognitive and developmental milestones are to blame. This can last between two to six weeks. Therefore if you’re a new parent and you think you’ve achieved the unachievable. Spoiler alert the jokes on you, it’s not over.

These regressions will pop up around these time:

Six weeks

Four months

Eight, nine and ten months (roughly)

Twelves months

Eighteen months

Two years

Tips to get through it

• Extra feedings. I know the idea of more nighttime feedings will make you cringe but it’s not forever.

• Comfort. Your baby will need it through sleep regressions. Hugs and kisses can do no wrong. I’ve read to not create bad habits such as rocking your baby to sleep and etc. But I’m not one to give you advice for that. If I’m tired and want this child to get back to sleep. I will do just about anything to get it done. Note that my little one has never used a pacifier or bottle so I’ve always been her main source of comfort.

• Seek help if the regressions last more than 6 weeks.

• White noise machine works wonders

• Earlier bed time. Naps will be missed and to avoid over tired tears, see if your little one will go down for the night earlier.

You’ll be tired and frustrated but imagine how your child feels. Put yourself in their shoes, socks or booties. They’re growing, minds are racing like crazy and now having trouble sleeping. They’ve learned something new such as crawling or walking and it’s overwhelming. Be patient it’s not forever. Pour yourself another cup of coffee and you can do this. Personally we are going through the twelve month sleep regression at the moment. Therefore Olessia is skipping naps and attached to the boob at night. I look like I was hit by a bus but it’s almost done … that’s what I keep telling myself. Until we hit the eighteen month mark and it starts all over again.

Anyone have any other sleep regression tips?Share share!

Xo

I’m not the same woman

So here’s some tea,

I’m not the same woman…

This isn’t a post to rant nor complain but to acknowledge the fact that the woman I once was is no longer. The childless, well rested and timid girl is long gone. When I look in the mirror I don’t see the same person who use to look back at me.

Yes becoming a mother changes you in many physical ways but I want to talk about the changes I noticed that happened to me, mentally after the first year of motherhood. I was and still am what you can call an introvert. I am still quite social but I prefer solitude. I have never craved an attention or a night out in anyway. To be honest I use to make excuses out of going out to parties or clubs. Funny thing is that hasn’t changed but what has changed Is how I view myself.

My insecurities turn to security

As I look in mirrors nowadays I don’t feel the desire to put on make up anymore. I have fallen in love with naked appearance. I’m not speaking about my body but my face. For the first time I can appreciate my flawed skin, my tiny eyelashes and my bushy brows. Even the two designer eye bags that are permanently on my mug. I’ve also come to terms with the fact that my face has started to mature, fine lines are beginning to appear and I’m more than okay with that.

My hair

I don’t even feel the need to straighten out my curls anymore. I use to love to change up my looks, a few times a month but not anymore. My curls are my crown and after 26 years I am finally appreciating them. After constant heat damage and bleaching, my hair is the healthiest it’s been in a decade… a damn decade! Especially after postpartum shedding I’m leaving my hair well enough alone!!

I’ve actually been speaking with a few girlfriends who are au naturel and I’ve been getting their advice on products. It’s been refreshing and beyond helpful! I’m not going to lie to you though, I’ve been dying to try out a protective style ‘faux locs’ (fake dreadlocks). Unfortunately I’m not good at sitting still and waiting for my hair to be done plus my wild child would probably try to pull them out *insert eye roll*

(In my dreams wahhh)

My calling

The need to find my calling in life has grown. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a mom now or what. The things I wanted before my daughter was born don’t seem to matter anymore. What matters to me is finding my passion in life, trying to excel at it and to show my daughter her mom can do it all.

My patience

I have always had a pretty decent amount of patience but that has seemed to change a bit during this first year of motherhood. My patience has amplified for my child in which I try my best to remain as zen as possible. Unless I’m over tired and then it’s like go take a nap, momma needs a second (I think any mom can relate). I’ve learnt to really adjust and analyze situations where more patience’s is needed. Everyday is a new obstacle and I’m a work in progress. So noticing my shortcomings have helped me fix and discover new ways to better my patience, communication and in all my behaviour. Our children are a reflection of us and I want to teach myself and my daughter better cooping skills for any situation that is thrown at her.

My temper

I’ll say this first I will not argue, that is how I’ve always been. Arguments lead to words you can’t take back and I refuse to do that. You might think then how do you express you’re self when you’re upset. I personally wait until everything has calmed down to talk. If you have something to say to me, speak in a lower tone or not at all. Which is difficult for my 6’5 Polish boyfriend who is generally a loud ass person when he talks.

My love

This is where I’ve noticed my biggest change, is in the way I love. You never knew how much you can love someone until you have a child. Yes, you can love your pets but when you bring a child into the world it’s different. I thought I’ve always loved strong but my love towards my family I’ve created is insane.

I have changed and matured so much within the last year that the woman I once was I don’t miss. The woman I am today has so much more to live for and to love. I can say for the first time I’ve fallen in love with myself and my life. It may not be sunshine and unicorns all the time, nobodies life is but it’s my life. So I may not be the same woman but that’s okay….

Do you feel like a different woman after becoming a mother? I’d love to know!

Xo

Mom Fail Fridays – cake smash fail

So here’s some tea,

First, let’s just put it out there in the universe that I’m not the best baker in the world. To be honest I’m not even a decent one but I attempted to bake my daughters smash cake for her first birthday. My thoughts were she was just going to make a mess and not technically eat the damn thing so it doesn’t need to be extraordinary.

(can you notice the look of disgust on her face)

Well I could of at least made it look better than that to be honest! It was a complete fail, it was leaning over and falling apart right before our eyes. I even tried holding it up with a decorative toothpick. It wasn’t hot, so that wasn’t the case. I just didn’t cut it properly and to make matters worse she didn’t even want to smash it. She literally wanted nothing to do with that thing I called a “cake”. We had to help her and teach her to dig in. What happened next was just tears …..

I don’t know if it was the cake or it was the long day of turning one.

To be honest apart of me is blaming the cake! This is a fail that I’m gong to keep trying till I get it right. On a happier note the cake ended up tasting awesome but looked like a half eaten sausage. I would fit in perfectly on the Netflix show nailed it! From here on out though I vow to be the mom to at least make a pretty looking cake for her second birthday!

Am I the only terrible baker/decorator out there?! Don’t leave me hanging!

Xo

Mom Fail Fridays – She’ll do it without a diaper.

So here’s some tea,

Oh diaper changes! Is it me or are they becoming worse the older your baby gets? I miss the days when my precious little baby would lay there awaiting for her bum to be changed. Now it’s like trying to tame a Tasmanian devil, who is flipping and squirming to get free. Sad to say but it has officially turned into a game and I’m always the loser. I’m convinced she’s like “Let’s see how frustrated momma will get before she has to strap me down”

(Baby powder everywhere like normal)

It has come to a point where the changing table is no longer used. The new designated diaper station is our bed or the floor.

Enough rambling and let’s get to my fail of this week. The past week Olessia has been fighting a little diaper rash. All four of her pesky molars have erupted as well so she’s kind of been a mess.

After diaper changes I’ve been letting her bum air dry, let’s just say she’s taking full advantage of that. I’m not talking about pee everywhere, oh how I wish it was. My little nudist walked over to me, made eye contact and began to explode.. all over the floor. Yes that’s right poop, everywhere. All I could think was really you have to look me dead in the eye to do this!

Once … okay I understand, maybe the cool breeze against your tush feels nice. Twice, now you’re pushing it but three times. I can’t blame anyone but myself now. You’d think I’d learn after the first time! You also might think she’s eating solids, it’s a quick pick up stop whining. Think again it’s teething poop which means a watery clumpy mess.

Nothing like cleaning poop off your hardwood floors several times a week then having to sanitize! Note to self always keep a diaper in your back pocket.

I never thought I would talk about human excrements as much as I do. Welcome to motherhood!

I know I’m not the only mom out here dealing with a stinky little tushy! Don’t be embarrassed it’s all for shits and giggles.

Xo

Showering is a luxury

So here’s some tea,

Were you lucky enough to take a shower before dinner time? I envy you. After becoming a mother I didn’t realize how small things such as showering becomes a luxury. You may laugh but I’m serious certain things are not easy or possible to do with a little one around. When they are small enough to be in a bouncer, yes then you can shower but if they’re walking around and active like my little one, it’s insanely hard.

Let’s be real I’m lucky enough to be clothed everyday! (welcome to motherhood, pants not included) Society has put so much pressure on moms to be this idealistic trophy wife. I’m over here aiming for that participation award type of wifey. I came,I saw, I did decent! Eventually I came to realize quick that the idea of becoming this showered, face beat, dressed to the nine and ‘I use the washroom alone’ type of mom wasn’t realistic.

Looking back I took for granted my regular showers and my weekly bubble baths; where I’d have a Guinness and a good book. Now I have five minute showers hearing phantom cries, followed by being bombarded at the door before I can put on a bra. I’ve become very accustomed to being a grease ball, that being said I still beg for a shower by the time my significant other gets home.

Although it still baffles me how men will take a hour on the toilet. I’m jealous, I have to make it quick because my little one is either making a mess of the toilet paper or wanting to climb all over me. A friend and I joke all the time that in our next life we are coming back as a dads!

Another luxury for moms is getting to eat your food without it getting cold or having to share. Yes sharing is caring (blah blah blah) but really if I hand it to her she’s just going to throw it on the floor. Let momma put it to some good use, so she can keep up with you!

On a daily basis if I’m able to clean up, keep little one on a schedule and also make dinner it’s a win. All those other stuff such as showers, make up, dressing nicely and even sleep are the least of my concern. My names Martikka and I’m a hot mess momma!

Are you a hot mess momma? What luxuries do you miss? Tell me! Tell me!