Friendships after baby …

So here’s some tea,

Friendships just like relationships go through their bumps and hurdles. One bump in particular is a baby bump. Once you start having babies your friendships change. Especially if your friends aren’t at the baby point in life yet. Which there isn’t anything wrong with that, it’s not for everyone. Plus everyone has their own path and journey in life.

I, myself have never been a big partier. I would make excuses out of going out. Let’s just put it out there once again, I’m a HUGE introvert. So when I announced I was pregnant nothing changed but people’s expectations of me. People thought I should soak up my last moments before I transitioned into motherhood. I thought otherwise, I was constantly sick with my daughter so going out was hard for me. When I say sick I don’t mean one or two times. I mean three or four times a day coming out of my nose type of sick. I was constantly bailing on my friends and I felt that it made an impact on my friendships. Only until I posted a picture people finally saw how frail I was due to the morning sickness and I wasn’t milking it.

Although I was lucky enough to be pregnant around the same time as two of my friends. Therefore as my pregnancy progress they became my “go to” people I texted everyday because they understood. I didn’t feel so alone with them any ache or pain they understood and didn’t judge nor think I was complaining. Not like my other friends thought I was complaining but let’s be real no one really wants to hear that your back is throbbing everyday or your glucose test took forever.

It was eye opening though to see people’s reactions and behaviours after the birth of my daughter. It takes events in life to realize who is there for you and who isn’t. I have a few friends who still haven’t met my daughter or only seen her once. Not because of geography just because they have their own stuff going on. Which no shade or anything like that, I understand but It does hurt a bit.

One thing many people without children don’t realize is late night events aren’t easy for us. I would never say make plans around people with children because that’s ridiculous but don’t get upset if one of us or neither can attend because we have a child. I’m sorry, my daughter still relies on me for bed time plus I don’t expect someone to watch her so I can go out. Maybe when she’s older it’ll be different but not right now.

The dynamic of relationships on any level change when you enter a new phase in your life. As you see the one that took the most hits was my friendships. You learn to accept your relationships for what they are and move forward. I’m still not about to go out drinking or partying anymore but I’m okay with that. My life has steered in a new direction and I’m happy. I appreciate the friends who have stuck by me, who love my daughter like their own, who are abroad but close to our hearts and my new mommy friends.

This wasn’t to throw shade; this was more to shine light that being a mom is hard work and sometimes friendships can be affected by that too.

The dreaded sleep regression.

So here’s some tea,

One thing I didn’t know about becoming a mother was sleep regression. I thought once your child starts sleeping through the night you’re in the clear. Oh how I was wrong. In child infancy your little one will go through several sleep regressions.

A sleep regression can be described as a period of time where your baby or toddler sleeping pattern will change abruptly. These changes can include waking up at night, skipping naps or ridiculously short naps. It’s as if you have a newborn again; cognitive and developmental milestones are to blame. This can last between two to six weeks. Therefore if you’re a new parent and you think you’ve achieved the unachievable. Spoiler alert the jokes on you, it’s not over.

These regressions will pop up around these time:

Six weeks

Four months

Eight, nine and ten months (roughly)

Twelves months

Eighteen months

Two years

Tips to get through it

• Extra feedings. I know the idea of more nighttime feedings will make you cringe but it’s not forever.

• Comfort. Your baby will need it through sleep regressions. Hugs and kisses can do no wrong. I’ve read to not create bad habits such as rocking your baby to sleep and etc. But I’m not one to give you advice for that. If I’m tired and want this child to get back to sleep. I will do just about anything to get it done. Note that my little one has never used a pacifier or bottle so I’ve always been her main source of comfort.

• Seek help if the regressions last more than 6 weeks.

• White noise machine works wonders

• Earlier bed time. Naps will be missed and to avoid over tired tears, see if your little one will go down for the night earlier.

You’ll be tired and frustrated but imagine how your child feels. Put yourself in their shoes, socks or booties. They’re growing, minds are racing like crazy and now having trouble sleeping. They’ve learned something new such as crawling or walking and it’s overwhelming. Be patient it’s not forever. Pour yourself another cup of coffee and you can do this. Personally we are going through the twelve month sleep regression at the moment. Therefore Olessia is skipping naps and attached to the boob at night. I look like I was hit by a bus but it’s almost done … that’s what I keep telling myself. Until we hit the eighteen month mark and it starts all over again.

Anyone have any other sleep regression tips?Share share!

Xo

Babies & their milestones

So here’s some tea,

The years you spend focusing on yourself are long gone and the main event is the creature you created. Being a mom isn’t for the faint hearted, It’s more than just making sure everyone is clean and fed.

You constantly worry about if your child is hitting their development milestones required for his or her age group. Trust me since the day Olessia was born, it has been on my mind constantly.

Luckily Olessia was one of those babies that sped through her milestones early on from rolling over to crawling. She even had a good set of teeth by 8 months.

When people say they’re jealous I just laugh. Trust me having a baby with all those teeth isn’t fun. I say it all the time, if you got bit by this barracuda on the nipple you’d think differently.

The one thing I worried about was her waving ‘hi and bye’ which is stated should happen at the 10 month mark. Olessia didn’t seem to care about waving. Instead she rather you call her cute and wave at her. Eventually she started to wave (she’s out here looking like Queen Victoria) but she doesn’t wave very often. I thought since she did everything fast, that motor skill would come quick too. It didn’t but it did ended up coming right on schedule.

( one of the milestone chart I’ve referred too)

Every child is different, they progress at different rates and eventually they will get to the stage they need to get to.

Olessia just started taking her first steps the other day. Every day is another step which makes me cry! She’s no longer my little baby she’s becoming a toddler right before my eyes. Eh some babies walk early or later on, it’s hard to tell but there is nothing wrong with that.

One thing that bugs me is that everyone compares kids. ‘My son already is walking, my daughter is saying more words’. Congradufuckinglations this isn’t the Miss Congeniality pageant for babies. The best baby doesn’t take home a golden bottle and a cash prize of a college tuition. It’s okay for your baby to take their time developing and it’s okay if they’re fast too, it doesn’t change anything. If you’re bragging about your baby to make someone else feel bad about their own kid; you suck! That negativity isn’t welcome in our hood… motherhood!

Remember developing is hard on babies and it can cause sleepless nights when they’ve discovered something new. If you’re worried about your little ones development or something seems off, seek a medical professional. You know your little one best !

Xo