Our birth story

So here’s some tea,

Our birth story

Funny thing I never thought to write about it because it was so fast that no one would want to hear about it. I’m not saying that in the form of bragging because if you’ve gone through childbirth you know what I mean, it’s just this story is not a chair gripping tale.

My due date was the 12th of August 2017, I already knew she wasn’t going to stay in there until then, let’s just say mothers intuition. I tried several natural ways to help the process along which means a lot of sex, red raspberry leaf tea, squats and evening primrose.

By the evening of August 7th, I was a miserable mess and my back was on fire. I was so uncomfortable that I didn’t even have the strength to walk down the street to meet my boyfriend at our friends house.

So when midnight hit I noticed that I was having irregular contractions (they didn’t hurt at this point) and we ended up meeting my Midwife at the hospital.

Unfortunately due to the irregularities in the contractions and the fact that of only being 1cm, we were sent back home. The rest of the night/early morning I was in and out of the bath tub. Being in the bath tub helped the piercing back pain; I could of stayed in there all night to be honest I didn’t want to leave.

By 8 am I headed back to the washroom this time to relieve myself (thank goodness, I didn’t want to poop giving birth) as I was wiping I noticed my mucus plug ended up coming out as well. Perfffecttttt! I knew that meant labour is starting and it’s about to get real. In a matter of moments while walking back from the washroom my water broke. Yellowy liquid everywhere … strange I always thought it was clear but little did I know that meant something else.

I ended up waking my boyfriend up and said my water broke!

“so is it time?” He unenthusiastically grunted. To be honest I thought I would just a more dramatic movie scene reaction of a father to be in panic… nope. Better luck next time!

I told him I had to call my Midwife so that’s exactly what I did. I called my midwife and she was a little saucy too to be honest. You can only imagine how unimpressed I am at this point. Due to the colour of my water (which was light yellow) she was convinced I peed myself.

*Eye roll* like I just came from the washroom and plus I’d know if I peed, this was a different kind of release of pressure. Whatever, my contractions were also close enough that she agreed to meet at the hospital.

At 9:30 am we were walking in the hospital and trust me I looked like Quasimodo from the hunchback of Notre Dame walking through the lobby but I refused any and all wheelchairs. Everyone looking at me concerned but.. I knew walking would help labour, so I’ll walk to that damn delivery room even if I was shrieking in pain.

Once I was in the room they discovered the reason why my water was yellow. Not because I peed myself but because Olessia had pooped in the womb. A Paediatrician was on call but no one let me think I should worry. Therefore I wasn’t worried just in pain at this point. It all happened so fast that even thought of an epidural was out of the question. I arrived at the hospital at 4 cm went to 7cm in a half and hour and 10cm not too long after.

Time to get that baby out!!!

My boyfriend was holding my legs with a full view of my crotch (poor guy) and my mom was holding my neck (bad work injury screwed up my neck). I kept saying “I can’t do this, I can’t do this” … but my boyfriend kept reassuring me I could.

At some point I had to use leg stirrups to help me but Olessia was stuck between a flap of skin (I don’t know what it’s called) but instead of cutting me another on call midwife came in the room to assist. She had a trick by wiggling Olessia out, by swaying me back and forth while another tried to push aside the skin. It worked! Once her head was passed that point she slide out like butter (sorry for the visual)

This all happened within 7 minutes. 7 minutes of pushing and our little angel was born. I remember my Midwife asked me if I wanted to feel her hair while she was coming out and I look back now and I wish I did but at the time I’m like no I’m good let’s get her out!

After the Midwife and Paediatrician cleared her and made sure there was no poop in her lung she was all ours. I made my boyfriend do skin to skin right away while I delivered the placenta. The Midwife was so amazed of how healthy my placenta was. We thought it was strange because we had no idea of how amazing it actually was. Another thing I wish I did was make pills out of my placenta. May sound gross to some but it has so many benefits as well as it could of helped with a faster recovery.

By the time I got to the hospital at 9:30am to the 12:55pm on August 8th when she was born, was the most pain I’ve ever been in. Unmedicated, raw and fast are three ways to describe my first experience of childbirth. I didn’t realize how strong I was until I gave birth.

If you ask me would I do it all again, I would in a heartbeat and unmedicated too!

What are three words to describe your childbirth experience?!

Mom Fail Fridays – Mombie life

So here’s some tea,

As summer is ending; here comes autumn. It has to be my favourite time of the year. Everything starts to cool off with orange and red accents everywhere. Yes I’m basic but hand me a pumpkin spiced anything and I’m a happy girl. With my little one old enough to enjoy fall activities I’m beyond excited.

What will her costume be? What should I be for Halloween? Maybe a zombie? Because that’s how I’m feeling nowadays. Today’s version of mom fail friday is two “mombie” fails.

Mine – 1 little girl

My little one recently has been very restless in the middle of the night. Thank you teething… *eye roll*

So the other night around 3 am, her restlessness woke me up. I was half asleep, I touched her butt and it was wet. I didn’t even look at my hand I just wipe it on my shirt then proceeded to change her diaper. In my groggy state I looked down at my shirt …. poop. Seriously! Once I changed her and got her back to sleep, I went toss her diaper in the genie. Somehow someway my hand met poop once again. Ughhhhh clearly I need to toss my glasses on when it comes to diaper changes at night.

A friend of mines story – 2 little girls

“My little one woke up at 6 am. Typically I give her a bottle and she goes back to sleep . I try not to turn on a a lot of lights otherwise she’ll be up for good … I poured her milk into the bottle from her thermos . Everything was perfect ! I put her to lay down and gave her the bottle like every other night/ morning …..

Buuuut realized super quickly that my little one was soaked ! This mama was so tired and I forgot to put the stupid lid on the bottle . I knew right then and there this wasn’t going to go well.

The funniest thing was her response . I had to walk away to go get another bottle and clothes & whatnot . Usually she cries but she just looked at me like what in the entire fuck just happened ?!?! Even when I was changing her , she was looking deep into my soul like “ mom , get your shit together “

Have you ever been half asleep and had a mom fail?!

xo

The dreaded sleep regression.

So here’s some tea,

One thing I didn’t know about becoming a mother was sleep regression. I thought once your child starts sleeping through the night you’re in the clear. Oh how I was wrong. In child infancy your little one will go through several sleep regressions.

A sleep regression can be described as a period of time where your baby or toddler sleeping pattern will change abruptly. These changes can include waking up at night, skipping naps or ridiculously short naps. It’s as if you have a newborn again; cognitive and developmental milestones are to blame. This can last between two to six weeks. Therefore if you’re a new parent and you think you’ve achieved the unachievable. Spoiler alert the jokes on you, it’s not over.

These regressions will pop up around these time:

Six weeks

Four months

Eight, nine and ten months (roughly)

Twelves months

Eighteen months

Two years

Tips to get through it

• Extra feedings. I know the idea of more nighttime feedings will make you cringe but it’s not forever.

• Comfort. Your baby will need it through sleep regressions. Hugs and kisses can do no wrong. I’ve read to not create bad habits such as rocking your baby to sleep and etc. But I’m not one to give you advice for that. If I’m tired and want this child to get back to sleep. I will do just about anything to get it done. Note that my little one has never used a pacifier or bottle so I’ve always been her main source of comfort.

• Seek help if the regressions last more than 6 weeks.

• White noise machine works wonders

• Earlier bed time. Naps will be missed and to avoid over tired tears, see if your little one will go down for the night earlier.

You’ll be tired and frustrated but imagine how your child feels. Put yourself in their shoes, socks or booties. They’re growing, minds are racing like crazy and now having trouble sleeping. They’ve learned something new such as crawling or walking and it’s overwhelming. Be patient it’s not forever. Pour yourself another cup of coffee and you can do this. Personally we are going through the twelve month sleep regression at the moment. Therefore Olessia is skipping naps and attached to the boob at night. I look like I was hit by a bus but it’s almost done … that’s what I keep telling myself. Until we hit the eighteen month mark and it starts all over again.

Anyone have any other sleep regression tips?Share share!

Xo

Mom Fail Friday’s – Thursday night fever no Travolta

So here’s some tea,

Moms aren’t perfect although we try so hard to be. I feel like a common mom failure we all come across is when our little ones get sick. I’ve been lucky enough to deal with only one cold within our first year, which was my fault when she was a few months old (head cold 🙁 ). So when a high fever arose I was completely taken back. I literally forgot everything I’ve known and read. It wasn’t Saturday Night Fever and there was no John Travolta dancing the night away. It was one scared momma and a baby who wasn’t quite sure what was going on.

(Fever chart in case anyone is interested)

For a little one who had a fever over the 38°C (armpit tested) she had a lot of energy. She even missed all her naps and was still my happy giggling little girl. As the night went on she began to get hotter and hotter. She normally runs hot, as in she sweats like a beast but this time it wasn’t normal. I caved and gave her a bit of baby Advil hoping it would take the edge of the fever and she could sleep it off in the night. I’m my opinion It didn’t work at all.

I don’t think I slept a wink, I was by her side with a lukewarm face cloth on her forehead and holding her little hand. Anyone who has kids you can understand the gut wrenching guilt and hatred you have for yourself when your baby is suffering and there’s nothing you can do. You feel like you’ve failed in some way. To make matters worse she woke up in the middle of the night and wanted boob. Which as a breastfeeding mother I’m accustomed too. What I’m not accustomed to is projectile milk right back at me and surprisingly I even caught one with my hands. That may sound gross and not impressive but trust me It was. At this point she couldn’t hold anything down, I was so worried because her not being able to eat could lead to dehydration.

I tried everything she wouldn’t take water or ice cubes (which are her favourite thing), it all just came right back up. I felt defeated and a failure all night, nothing I was doing was helping. I keep reading online trying to figure out if it was her molars or the vaccinations. While I was trying to find some answers it lead me to this article….

https://www.google.ca/amp/s/www.thestar.com/amp/life/parent/2011/12/13/mild_mmr_vaccine_reactions_fairly_common_at_12_months_study.html

Which if you don’t want to read it, it just plainly states that reactions such as fevers are normal with this vaccine. Many babies end up being taken to the hospital due to the fever because parents are at odds.

You could imagine my sigh of relief to know that it’s common and she will get through it. Olessia has been pretty clingy today, tired and the fever is still lingering but thankfully her temperature has dropped a bit. You better believe I’m still watching her at all cost. It may of felt like a huge mom fail last night but it feels rewarding to know my baby is alright and fighting through this fever with a smile.

Few things I tried

lukewarm face cloth (forehead and neck)

lukewarm bath

Baby Advil (last night)

Ice cube (for eating… would only hold it)

Water (only few sips then threw up)

Fans on

No covers

Only in diaper

Baby Tylenol (this morning)

Lots and lots of cuddles

Do you have any other fever fighting tips?! Please share!!

Xo

Women empowerment – next generation

So here’s some tea,

I’m a girl mom, that phrase shouldn’t make you think of tutus and headbands (which I might add are super cute) but it should make you think of the next kick ass generation of women.

As a mom of a little girl, I’m determined to teach her the significance and importance to raise your fellow females up. Sadly in many cultures the odds are stacked against us as women from the day we are born. I want to be able to teach my daughter to rise above the obstacles that she’ll inevitably face as a woman, if it’s in terms of a job, society and even in relationships.

Why is raising a strong, smart and powerful woman so important to me? because women like that is what this world needs.

I told someone that I let my daughter be free and as crazy as she wants to be. She’s too young to do otherwise but she already has so much personality that the last thing I want to do is hinder it.

The person responded back “ You don’t hear that from many mothers often, about letting their child be wild and free”

That was how I was raised and I’m going to pass that down to my daughter. My mother has always let me be me. I use to paint cartoons on my walls and dance in the rain to Mariah Carey as if I was in some mtv music video! I even had a constant mess of books about Egypt and projects because it was my dream to be an Egyptologist (yeah clearly that didn’t happen)

I have and always will be an oddly strange wildflower in a wide open field waiting for a Dixie chick song to come on.

Remarkably that dynamic and the complete transparency with my mother allowed us to have a friendship, where her opinion matters to me rather then feeling like it was parental judgement.

Women in general are mean though, and not because we are born like that but it’s because we are taught to be. The insane idea of constantly being in this survival mode and to compete with one another is absurd. If it’s not slut shaming or body shaming, it’s belittling each other. I see it everyday if it’s not in social media it’s in our everyday lives. We all know someone right now who is tearing another girl down to satisfy her own insecurities. It’s disgusting, where is the sisterhood at?

Remember this isn’t hunger games ladies, relax. Just because you personally wouldn’t wear that or say that or even do that doesn’t make you any better of a person and them any less. I want my daughter to know when another woman falls, you give her a hand up. And when a woman finds success and happiness you in turn be happy for her. Its a feather in all of our caps as women. This world needs good people and especially good women remember that.

It’s also nice to see in the media today that there is more positive and diverse role models for little girls. I want Olessia to be comfortable in her own skin, and that any new or old societal pressures to be a certain way doesn’t hinder from the extraordinary woman she is and will become. Women are phenomenal so let’s raise the next generation of women to appreciate, support, love, assist and in all respect one other because it all starts with us.

END GIRL HATE!

Showering is a luxury

So here’s some tea,

Were you lucky enough to take a shower before dinner time? I envy you. After becoming a mother I didn’t realize how small things such as showering becomes a luxury. You may laugh but I’m serious certain things are not easy or possible to do with a little one around. When they are small enough to be in a bouncer, yes then you can shower but if they’re walking around and active like my little one, it’s insanely hard.

Let’s be real I’m lucky enough to be clothed everyday! (welcome to motherhood, pants not included) Society has put so much pressure on moms to be this idealistic trophy wife. I’m over here aiming for that participation award type of wifey. I came,I saw, I did decent! Eventually I came to realize quick that the idea of becoming this showered, face beat, dressed to the nine and ‘I use the washroom alone’ type of mom wasn’t realistic.

Looking back I took for granted my regular showers and my weekly bubble baths; where I’d have a Guinness and a good book. Now I have five minute showers hearing phantom cries, followed by being bombarded at the door before I can put on a bra. I’ve become very accustomed to being a grease ball, that being said I still beg for a shower by the time my significant other gets home.

Although it still baffles me how men will take a hour on the toilet. I’m jealous, I have to make it quick because my little one is either making a mess of the toilet paper or wanting to climb all over me. A friend and I joke all the time that in our next life we are coming back as a dads!

Another luxury for moms is getting to eat your food without it getting cold or having to share. Yes sharing is caring (blah blah blah) but really if I hand it to her she’s just going to throw it on the floor. Let momma put it to some good use, so she can keep up with you!

On a daily basis if I’m able to clean up, keep little one on a schedule and also make dinner it’s a win. All those other stuff such as showers, make up, dressing nicely and even sleep are the least of my concern. My names Martikka and I’m a hot mess momma!

Are you a hot mess momma? What luxuries do you miss? Tell me! Tell me!

Ethnicity – I am biracial

So here’s some tea,

I am a product of a biracial couple; my mother is Canadian with Irish descent and my father was born and raised in Jamaica. I resemble my mother but have a lot of my father’s features. Such as the caramel complexion, curly hair and dermatosis papulosa nigra (small black or brown moles on the neck and face)

Growing up in Toronto, ethnicity was never brought it. Maybe because no one cared but when we moved out of the city to the suburbs I could tell there was a divide. I’m not speaking in terms of segregation but you can tell everyone was a bit more inclined to know your background there. I was too dark to be considered white but too light to be considered black.

‘Light skin’ was what I was referred to as. In a strange way being biracial put you on the outs. I had many moments in which I struggled with my identity. The constant desire of wanting to touch and talk about my hair drove me up the wall. As a result I shaved my hair off (Halle Berry style) not once but twice! As India Arie said “I am not my hair” I was a person and a soul that lived within. It’s crazy to look back and realize that struggle I had.

When my father was present in our lives he would make sure we understood our culture and also that the N word was never to be used. It was not only racist but distasteful to use knowing the history behind it (10 hours of the Roots dvds made sure of that)

Therefore if anyone that’s knows me understands that if you’re Black, White, Hispanic or Asian I don’t care what you are never use that word around me. I even skip the word in hip hop and rap songs.

The older I got the more I embraced both sides of myself. But in the eyes of society I am a black woman and I am proud of that. Even in genetic testing, although I may be biracial we were told that cord blood is limited due to the mixture of our ethnic background. Crazy right!

On another note after becoming a mom myself, I never realized what my mother had to deal with when she out in public with us. She would tell me all the time no one believed we were her kids if my father wasn’t around. Many people mistaken her for the babysitter or nanny. She has always looked quite young, so I always laughed and shrugged that off until now. In recent events Ive been stopped in the grocery store to not only to tell me how cute Olessia is but to ask if she was actually mine. (Seriously … you think I’m this child chauffeur, of course she’s mine) the utter shock fills their faces when I say yes. I don’t know how I should feel….

Olessia has hazel eyes, very fair skin and golden brown hair, which is mostly straight but has a tiny curl to it. Many of her features are from her father; funny how genetics work. Her father is Polish with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Strange thing is no one ever stops him to question if Olessia belongs to him. Why me ? because of our difference in hair texture or the complexion of our skin. It’s a bit bothersome because in today’s society where pretty much everyone is biracial you’d think people’s reactions would be different.

I would never want my daughter to feel the a complexity about her ethnicity. She will know and understand all aspects of her background and here’s hoping never feels on the outs of any group because she’s an amazing little human being.

I don’t know if any of you felt this way but would love to know!

xo

Mom Fail Fridays – Give me boobie NOW!

So here’s some tea,

Oops I did it again…. another fail. With a million things on my mind and trying to get everything done, I didn’t realize we’ve been out of the house for more than three hours.

Olessia was yelling at me and to be honest it was making me more anxious to hurry up and finish. The yelling started to get a bit much, so I just assumed her teeth were bugging her and she needed comfort. As soon as I put her in my arms she attacks the milk bags, apparently It’s boobie juice time. As an breastfed baby who clearly eats whenever she wants to I didn’t realize she might be hungry during our busy afternoon (faillllllllll).

With my momma superpower of multitasking and my determination to finish my errands, I thought I could do this no problem ….. sounds simple right. Nope because I didn’t want to go find the bathroom I ended up finding a corner in the men’s clothing section (great spot I know) and whipped the boob out. I was desperately trying to cover her up but she wasn’t having it, knocking off anything and everything.

As you can tell, not the easiest thing to do especially when you’re not wearing nursing friendly clothing. My mother, who was with us was laughing and taking pictures while people are watching and staring at us. Nothing to see here just a hungry baby! Next time I have to remember to bring some snacks and pay attention to the damn time!

In all, I’d look like a crazy mess for her any day as long as she’s fed and happy.

Hope you got a quick giggle out of that fail!

&

Have a good weekend xoxo

Judgement free zone – Mommy shame

So here’s some tea,

We’ve all dealt with some sort of mommy shade or shame, from the day we found out we were pregnant to the rearing of our little ones. It’s enviable, it will happen if you like it or not. Trust me I wish it wouldn’t happen. It would be nice if as parents, grandparents and damn well as human beings we can refrain from sticking our judgey nose in other people’s life choices.

I’ve experienced shade throughout my pregnancy even till now. Oh man, the day everyone found out we were having a girl. Is it me or do you notice a difference of people’s excitement for you depending on the gender?

As a female myself I can say without a doubt girls rock! Eh okay maybe not every aspect of it but in general we are pretty bad ass. And Yes we probably will try for a boy eventually but if we have another girl yay! Glitter parties all around.

Having a daughter is a blessing, so don’t you ever disregard my little warrior princess she will do amazing things. And for those who have a misogynistic and sexist view of having a male heir to pass the family name on; chill out. We aren’t royalty my daughter will do the name proud (clearly I’m passionate about it)

A few subjects I’ve recently talked about were postpartum bodies, breastfeeding and cosleeping. You don’t understand the amount of judgement that is tagged along with pretty much all of them.

“you’re going to have a mom bod”

Well no guff but there’s nothing negative about that. I don’t look like a swimsuit model and I don’t plan to. I’m comfortable with how I look and my man doesn’t mind the sight either, so I’m golden Pony-boy. If you don’t want to look at my saggy boobs and stretchy tummy in a bikini don’t look because I’m about to bay watch in this place (cue slow motion)

“You’re still breastfeeding ?”

“How long do you plan to breastfeed?”

“You want to self wean? Why? “

“Formula fed? really you couldn’t breastfed?”

“It’s more healthier to breastfed”

Okay first off I was a formula baby and my daughter is a breast milk baby. We are both more than fine and healthy. Which ever you choose you know best for your child. Breastfeeding is not only physical but emotional. Many things can hinder lactation. Therefore, when some moms can’t produce there is a lot more going on than you think so hush and please don’t judge. This isn’t a competition of which is the best, do what’s best for you and your baby! Forget the rest.

Cosleeping and raising your little one is where I’m at today. My daughter sleeps in her crib attached to our bed. If you don’t like that then that’s fine, you aren’t sleeping there so it’s not your concern. Raising your little one and disclipne is new to me. This is my first baby so I’m figuring it out as I go but she’s young and doesn’t quite understand “no” yet without giggling.

I still get those judgey looks in the supermarket when she’s gets fussy or the turned up faces when she gets her way. It’s funny because it’s always the ones without children or elderly people that have an issue. It makes me laugh though when you pass another mom and their child is being just as loud. You end up making eye contact with each other and a smirk as some sort of solidarity of the struggles of parenthood.

Moms stop judging each other, we are all trying to figure it out.

Everyone else piss off please 🙂

#judgementfreezone

Heaven sent (basic) activities for a busy baby

So here’s some tea,

Keeping your bubs entertained is task all on its own. If your little one is like mine who is very active and constantly needs to be occupied, you can understand. With the 1 year mark just around the corner, Olessia is discovering something new everyday. I made it my mission to find things to tickle her fancy and to give momma’s arms a break. I actually found a few toys and activities that worked for us. They aren’t crazy and over the top activities, just basic things that keeps Olessia busy!

Trike

This 3 in 1 Trike has been a heaven sent to put it lightly. For a few months now she’s had an issue with being in her stroller, if she wasn’t napping. We bought this little bad boy and as long as she’s in her trike she’s distracted, happy and stunting.

IKEA shape sorter

We were in ikea one day and found this toy in the baby section. I was like this would be good for a cognitive activity and believe me is it ever! She loves when she figures out the right shapes, looks up at me and smiles. My heart explodes! This little toy keeps her so occupied as she’s determined to make it every piece fit.

Box and ribbons

I found this activity on Pinterest. It looked fun so I ended up making one myself. The idea is to have them reach in and pull a ribbon out. It’s meant to be a fine motor skill activity and would be perfect for ages 6 months and up. The older they get, you can teach them to pull out certain colours. The look on their little proud faces is will be worth the time making this little gem.

Bottles and lids.

I know what you’re thinking you’re leaving your baby with bottles and lids. Yes and no. I’m watching her at all times and what can I say she loves taking lids off of things. It’s pure enjoyment for her and for momma not so much, when I have to clean whatever she spilt. It can be lids off of her puff treats to water bottles. Then she’ll try to figure out how to place them back on. It’s adorable to watch and is another fine motor skills activity.

The few things that I’ve listed may sound simple but that’s what babies love. The most random inexpensive things! A friend of mine made a joke the other day “I’ll get her a case of water bottles for her birthday” trust me she loves them like most babies do! When they’re cold (for her teeth) and the crackling sound, she’s obsessed! Sometimes less is more. I’ve learned that the hard way with a collection of way too much toys!

How do you keep your little ones entertained? I’d love to know