So here’s some tea,
I’m not the same woman…
This isn’t a post to rant nor complain but to acknowledge the fact that the woman I once was is no longer. The childless, well rested and timid girl is long gone. When I look in the mirror I don’t see the same person who use to look back at me.
Yes becoming a mother changes you in many physical ways but I want to talk about the changes I noticed that happened to me, mentally after the first year of motherhood. I was and still am what you can call an introvert. I am still quite social but I prefer solitude. I have never craved an attention or a night out in anyway. To be honest I use to make excuses out of going out to parties or clubs. Funny thing is that hasn’t changed but what has changed Is how I view myself.
My insecurities turn to security
As I look in mirrors nowadays I don’t feel the desire to put on make up anymore. I have fallen in love with naked appearance. I’m not speaking about my body but my face. For the first time I can appreciate my flawed skin, my tiny eyelashes and my bushy brows. Even the two designer eye bags that are permanently on my mug. I’ve also come to terms with the fact that my face has started to mature, fine lines are beginning to appear and I’m more than okay with that.
I don’t even feel the need to straighten out my curls anymore. I use to love to change up my looks, a few times a month but not anymore. My curls are my crown and after 26 years I am finally appreciating them. After constant heat damage and bleaching, my hair is the healthiest it’s been in a decade… a damn decade! Especially after postpartum shedding I’m leaving my hair well enough alone!!
I’ve actually been speaking with a few girlfriends who are au naturel and I’ve been getting their advice on products. It’s been refreshing and beyond helpful! I’m not going to lie to you though, I’ve been dying to try out a protective style ‘faux locs’ (fake dreadlocks). Unfortunately I’m not good at sitting still and waiting for my hair to be done plus my wild child would probably try to pull them out *insert eye roll*
(In my dreams wahhh)
The need to find my calling in life has grown. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a mom now or what. The things I wanted before my daughter was born don’t seem to matter anymore. What matters to me is finding my passion in life, trying to excel at it and to show my daughter her mom can do it all.
I have always had a pretty decent amount of patience but that has seemed to change a bit during this first year of motherhood. My patience has amplified for my child in which I try my best to remain as zen as possible. Unless I’m over tired and then it’s like go take a nap, momma needs a second (I think any mom can relate). I’ve learnt to really adjust and analyze situations where more patience’s is needed. Everyday is a new obstacle and I’m a work in progress. So noticing my shortcomings have helped me fix and discover new ways to better my patience, communication and in all my behaviour. Our children are a reflection of us and I want to teach myself and my daughter better cooping skills for any situation that is thrown at her.
I’ll say this first I will not argue, that is how I’ve always been. Arguments lead to words you can’t take back and I refuse to do that. You might think then how do you express you’re self when you’re upset. I personally wait until everything has calmed down to talk. If you have something to say to me, speak in a lower tone or not at all. Which is difficult for my 6’5 Polish boyfriend who is generally a loud ass person when he talks.
This is where I’ve noticed my biggest change, is in the way I love. You never knew how much you can love someone until you have a child. Yes, you can love your pets but when you bring a child into the world it’s different. I thought I’ve always loved strong but my love towards my family I’ve created is insane.
I have changed and matured so much within the last year that the woman I once was I don’t miss. The woman I am today has so much more to live for and to love. I can say for the first time I’ve fallen in love with myself and my life. It may not be sunshine and unicorns all the time, nobodies life is but it’s my life. So I may not be the same woman but that’s okay….
Do you feel like a different woman after becoming a mother? I’d love to know!