So here’s some tea,
The bliss of a newborn is beautiful. There is nothing like it but what isn’t talked about is a temporary strain the new dynamic puts on your relationship. You and your significant others love for each other is amplified with this new addition to your family but the hard truth is your relationship may experience some changes during the first year.
After talking with a few girlfriends, we all have noticed our similar struggles when it comes to relationships and a new baby. The alone time for one another, your patience and your sex life takes a toll. My significant other has been so involved from the beginning, from feeding me while I was breastfeeding to taking over bath time. Although the more I got the hang of being a mom, I felt like he began to take a step back. He let me take charge and wanted me to let him know when I needed help. Which at times was overwhelming and I didn’t always want to have to ask.
I hear from friends and read online all the time that their significant others don’t help enough. Trust me I understand, we need the help! (shout out to single moms, you’re unreal)
What I’ve noticed is that not every man has that maternal instinct to pick up on a babies cues like us moms do. I’m not saying all men, so don’t bite my head off but most men don’t look at a diaper and automatically know it needs to be changed. To this day I have to say “how’s her butt?” To get him to look. It’s normal so don’t bust his balls over it.
Alone time for one another is huge, if you can’t leave your little one with family due to some circumstances (my little one won’t take a bottle) make time for each other when your baby is asleep. If that’s snuggling up to watch a movie or sneak in a late night snack together so be it, it’s still quality time. And If you can leave your little one with family, go to dinner and a movie. You deserve a date night!
As a mother, if you’re sleep deprived and longing for a shower trust me your patience for any crap is limited. You don’t want to have a competition who is more tired nor do you want to hear “what did you do all day”. We may be short tempered in the first year because of all our pesky postpartum hormones and the fact we are looking after a baby all day long. Babies who are physically and mentally growing at an horrifyingly fast rate and that are constantly keeping us on our toes. So if dinner is late and the wash isn’t done, don’t make a comment. Just surprise us and bring home pizza and some cheesy bread (please and thanks)
No doubt you will get into a few arguments Don’t worry everyone goes through it, it’s a huge adjustment. Just keep the line of communication open, because expecting someone to do something rather than just asking is where most problems start.
I won’t get too into this but oh how that changes. When I talk about being sleep deprived, I’m saying the energy to hop on each other like you did before decreases a bit. I’m not saying sex is completely eliminated because it’s not. It’s just not as frequent…. but you still want to be wanted. It’s a real catch 22 if you ask me.
In all your relationship may hit a dry patch during your first year. You guys are having to figure out how to become parents, agreeing on parenting techniques and keeping a little person alive and well. Also not forgetting the people you fell in love with. There will be fights out of frustration, exhaustion and all together anything. A baby is hard work and will test your relationship. Be a team, that’s the only way you’ll get through parenthood with some sanity. Maybe just maybe when you reach a state of contentment, you’ll be crazy enough to want to add another bundle of joy to your tiny circus and do it all over again.