In a world of Judge Judys

CFE590BA-8B1F-400D-8F3A-31D1C005BEAA

So here’s some tea,
Twenty five, unmarried and pregnant; and the first thing someone asks you was this planned. As if it’s anyone’s business but they still feel the right to ask. That is one of my biggest pet peeves, does it matter? Does it change your life in any way if it was planned or not? Thought so! Pregnancy may come as a surprise for some or long answered prayer for others. For us it was a surprise but a blessing in disguise. Announcing our news to family and friends was an experience all on its own. The women.. lets just say they were and still are demons on earth. The judgement that came out of their mouths baffled me. From the idea we aren’t married or pregnant before them to even my pregnancy journey they had found an issue with. My pregnancy was hard on me, threw up constantly, couldn’t even eat due to heartburn and bruised ribs. Creating a life is a blessing but it is hard work, which many don’t quite understand. Therefore the rude looks I received when I brought up the pain I was in was appalling, you asked how I was feeling! if you didn’t want the truth don’t ask. There were many times were I wanted to pull a full on Cady in Mean Girls and jump over the table and attack my Regina George. Not to mention some people felt like I was stealing their shine, when what I was really doing was trying to stay low key and keep my food down. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more judged until the moment I found out I was pregnant.

Finding William … questions unanswered.

So here’s some tea,

People who have impacted your life never truly leave you. My grandfather was that person, Mr William C. Lockhart also known as Papa Billy. I may not have him here with me anymore but his memory always lingers. It’s been about 5 years since he has passed away but recently I’ve been having dreams about him. You know I always got to clarify with you before you continue reading. This isn’t a post of me breaking down and interrupting the dream because to be honest there was nothing shock worthy about it. He sat across from me at his kitchen table wearing his favourite turquoise t shirt with a grin on his face while we shared some wafers cookies. I don’t recall what we talked about or for how long but it felt good; it felt like home. I can’t put into words how nice it was to hear his voice and his sarcastic humour. Oh how I miss it so much…. It was the best dream and one of the most incredible sleeps I have had in a while.

For the past few days all I could think about was how I knew so much about him but nothing at the same time. I knew his likes and dislikes, funny army stories and that fact his sister sent him a birthday card every year which somehow always pissed him off. He was a man that was content with solitude, so when my brothers and I came along we brought a little chaos to his life. We worn him down and eventually he couldn’t get enough of us. Not to mention he was the smartest man I knew and he didn’t even finish school. Its crazy how the older generation had this wisdom and knowledge about them.. probably because they actually lived, read books and newspapers instead of being consumed by technology.

I got a bit side tracked there but I could list the things I knew about him but there are so many questions I wish I asked….

How did your first wife Gloria die? What was she like?

Why did you hate your father so much?

Where did the distinct ring come from?

Were you a Freemason? What does that even mean?

When did your parents come over from Scotland?

What made your goulash taste so good?

Why didn’t you have any kids? (my mom is his step kid second marriage)

Tell me about your childhood!

All the things I wish I knew…

I searched and searched to maybe find something I never knew before. It’s not as easy researching about a man born in 1925.

Have you ever felt that way? Not getting the chance to find more about a loved one before it was too late.

My mom and I are working on her childhood stories, therefore when Olessia and any other future grandchildren are older they will never have to wonder the answers to their questions.

The searching and wondering about him doesn’t take away from my memory of him. I will always remember his sweet way of kicking us out his house. He would sing ‘Hit the road Jack’ by Ray Charles, which always made us laugh but it was his way of telling us to get lost.

He was a special kind of something. As you can tell I like to write, so I actually started a bunch of little kiddie stories mainly for my daughter and my future nieces and nephews so they can hear stories of our Papa Billy…. it’s a great way to keep his memory alive. I still have unanswered questions but I guess that’s life.

Have you ever had questions about a loved one? Did you go looking? I’d love to know.

Food for thought… working mom? stay at home mom?

So here’s some tea,

A lot of women are tore between a career and motherhood. Society makes us feel like we can’t have it both ways. I know very successful women who have children and are striving in the professional world. It is hard to put a price on missing moments though. As a SAHM ( stay at home mom) right now considering heading back into the workforce thats my biggest hurdle; missing moments with my daughter. Which I know is silly but as a mom you are constantly in your head wondering how and if your decisions are benefiting your children’s life in a positive way.

Eventually I will go back to work, not because I feel like I have to but because once my daughter is in school there is nothing keeping me behind the walls of our family home. I have a degree and to be honest it would be nice to put it to some use. In addition I’ve spoken to many moms and they want their freedom. Hold up; it’s not in a bad way but they want the financial freedom to go out shopping and not worrying about the impending mortgage or bills. The freedom to create something all their own. Motherhood is hard enough but we do lose ourselves. I’ve been trying to stay consistent with my blog but as first time mom of a toddler, its draining.

I want to have an answer for people who ask me “what do I like to do other than being a mom?”

… I’m loss for words

Well I do like writing and I’m teaching myself to sew but it never feels like enough. I have so many ideas in my head that I am my own road block when it comes to achieving them.

I’m a creative person; I like to brainstorm, research and create but what should I create? Where do I start?

I want my daughter to be proud of her mother. I want her to know when it’s her time for her own family that she can have it both ways. No matter if it’s creating something all her own or trailblazer in the business world.

Some women are drawn to their callings in life, May that be a career or a SAHM but never feel like you have to limit yourself to either category. There is a million of subcategories that you can venture into and there is nothing wrong with wanting more for your family. It’s just food for thought. Women are remarkable, our plates may be full but we always go for seconds.

We are the future …

Dear Mr. Sandman…

So here’s some tea,

A few months ago I created a few little rhyming stories to read to Olessia. This one seems to be her favourite and I thought I’d share 🙂

Dear Mr Sandman,

I’m all ready for bed

I’ve thrown on some pjs

you know the ones with the sleds

Daddy gave me a kiss and tucked me in tight

To prepare me for dreamland when he turns off the light

When I close my eyes what will I see?

Maybe some dragons or pirates or thieves

Or even some pandas playing in leaves

Oh the possibilities if you only just believe

So Mr Sandman can you bring me a dream?

Bring me the craziest that I’ve ever seen

talking dinosaurs?

flying pigs?

or fairy princesses in crowns made of twigs

If I don’t say thank you before I fall to sleep

I’ll meet you in dreamland by the cotton candy sheep …

Love Mommy & Olessia

Xoxo

Our birth story

So here’s some tea,

Our birth story

Funny thing I never thought to write about it because it was so fast that no one would want to hear about it. I’m not saying that in the form of bragging because if you’ve gone through childbirth you know what I mean, it’s just this story is not a chair gripping tale.

My due date was the 12th of August 2017, I already knew she wasn’t going to stay in there until then, let’s just say mothers intuition. I tried several natural ways to help the process along which means a lot of sex, red raspberry leaf tea, squats and evening primrose.

By the evening of August 7th, I was a miserable mess and my back was on fire. I was so uncomfortable that I didn’t even have the strength to walk down the street to meet my boyfriend at our friends house.

So when midnight hit I noticed that I was having irregular contractions (they didn’t hurt at this point) and we ended up meeting my Midwife at the hospital.

Unfortunately due to the irregularities in the contractions and the fact that of only being 1cm, we were sent back home. The rest of the night/early morning I was in and out of the bath tub. Being in the bath tub helped the piercing back pain; I could of stayed in there all night to be honest I didn’t want to leave.

By 8 am I headed back to the washroom this time to relieve myself (thank goodness, I didn’t want to poop giving birth) as I was wiping I noticed my mucus plug ended up coming out as well. Perfffecttttt! I knew that meant labour is starting and it’s about to get real. In a matter of moments while walking back from the washroom my water broke. Yellowy liquid everywhere … strange I always thought it was clear but little did I know that meant something else.

I ended up waking my boyfriend up and said my water broke!

“so is it time?” He unenthusiastically grunted. To be honest I thought I would just a more dramatic movie scene reaction of a father to be in panic… nope. Better luck next time!

I told him I had to call my Midwife so that’s exactly what I did. I called my midwife and she was a little saucy too to be honest. You can only imagine how unimpressed I am at this point. Due to the colour of my water (which was light yellow) she was convinced I peed myself.

*Eye roll* like I just came from the washroom and plus I’d know if I peed, this was a different kind of release of pressure. Whatever, my contractions were also close enough that she agreed to meet at the hospital.

At 9:30 am we were walking in the hospital and trust me I looked like Quasimodo from the hunchback of Notre Dame walking through the lobby but I refused any and all wheelchairs. Everyone looking at me concerned but.. I knew walking would help labour, so I’ll walk to that damn delivery room even if I was shrieking in pain.

Once I was in the room they discovered the reason why my water was yellow. Not because I peed myself but because Olessia had pooped in the womb. A Paediatrician was on call but no one let me think I should worry. Therefore I wasn’t worried just in pain at this point. It all happened so fast that even thought of an epidural was out of the question. I arrived at the hospital at 4 cm went to 7cm in a half and hour and 10cm not too long after.

Time to get that baby out!!!

My boyfriend was holding my legs with a full view of my crotch (poor guy) and my mom was holding my neck (bad work injury screwed up my neck). I kept saying “I can’t do this, I can’t do this” … but my boyfriend kept reassuring me I could.

At some point I had to use leg stirrups to help me but Olessia was stuck between a flap of skin (I don’t know what it’s called) but instead of cutting me another on call midwife came in the room to assist. She had a trick by wiggling Olessia out, by swaying me back and forth while another tried to push aside the skin. It worked! Once her head was passed that point she slide out like butter (sorry for the visual)

This all happened within 7 minutes. 7 minutes of pushing and our little angel was born. I remember my Midwife asked me if I wanted to feel her hair while she was coming out and I look back now and I wish I did but at the time I’m like no I’m good let’s get her out!

After the Midwife and Paediatrician cleared her and made sure there was no poop in her lung she was all ours. I made my boyfriend do skin to skin right away while I delivered the placenta. The Midwife was so amazed of how healthy my placenta was. We thought it was strange because we had no idea of how amazing it actually was. Another thing I wish I did was make pills out of my placenta. May sound gross to some but it has so many benefits as well as it could of helped with a faster recovery.

By the time I got to the hospital at 9:30am to the 12:55pm on August 8th when she was born, was the most pain I’ve ever been in. Unmedicated, raw and fast are three ways to describe my first experience of childbirth. I didn’t realize how strong I was until I gave birth.

If you ask me would I do it all again, I would in a heartbeat and unmedicated too!

What are three words to describe your childbirth experience?!

Shout out to the mamas

Shout out to the mamas:

Who are exhausted

Who need a break

Who stay at home

Who work full time

Who try to do it all

Who get overwhelmed

Who are fighting postpartum depression

Who are trying to find themselves again

Who are single mothers

Who are co-parenting

Who are trying not avoid the mommy shame

Who fail at times

Who have lost all patience

Who are fighting to lose the baby weight

Who are fighting to gain weight

Who are breastfeeding

Who are bottle feeding

Who are struggling

Who have broken down a few times

Who are in need of a girls night out

Who are dying for a good nights sleep

Who are looking for some compassion

Who are looking for some help

Who are just looking for someone to say you’re doing a good job…..

No matter what kind of mama you are, you are appreciated and loved. We love our little ones but that doesn’t mean some days aren’t harder than others. The past few weeks I’ve been having a hard time when it comes to patience. Teething on top of what I can only refer to as ‘the terrible ones?’ (I don’t even know if that’s a thing) but the tantrums are real.

I can admit this mama is exhausted, believe me when I say if you are too you’re not alone we have all been there and it’s a sign you need a break. An hour to yourself just to regain some sanity and focus. I’m thinking about jumping back into yoga, one class a week so mama can unwind, destress and be a better and less tense mama in the long run!

If you’re one of these mamas? Have you taken time to yourself? What do you do?!

Friendships after baby …

So here’s some tea,

Friendships just like relationships go through their bumps and hurdles. One bump in particular is a baby bump. Once you start having babies your friendships change. Especially if your friends aren’t at the baby point in life yet. Which there isn’t anything wrong with that, it’s not for everyone. Plus everyone has their own path and journey in life.

I, myself have never been a big partier. I would make excuses out of going out. Let’s just put it out there once again, I’m a HUGE introvert. So when I announced I was pregnant nothing changed but people’s expectations of me. People thought I should soak up my last moments before I transitioned into motherhood. I thought otherwise, I was constantly sick with my daughter so going out was hard for me. When I say sick I don’t mean one or two times. I mean three or four times a day coming out of my nose type of sick. I was constantly bailing on my friends and I felt that it made an impact on my friendships. Only until I posted a picture people finally saw how frail I was due to the morning sickness and I wasn’t milking it.

Although I was lucky enough to be pregnant around the same time as two of my friends. Therefore as my pregnancy progress they became my “go to” people I texted everyday because they understood. I didn’t feel so alone with them any ache or pain they understood and didn’t judge nor think I was complaining. Not like my other friends thought I was complaining but let’s be real no one really wants to hear that your back is throbbing everyday or your glucose test took forever.

It was eye opening though to see people’s reactions and behaviours after the birth of my daughter. It takes events in life to realize who is there for you and who isn’t. I have a few friends who still haven’t met my daughter or only seen her once. Not because of geography just because they have their own stuff going on. Which no shade or anything like that, I understand but It does hurt a bit.

One thing many people without children don’t realize is late night events aren’t easy for us. I would never say make plans around people with children because that’s ridiculous but don’t get upset if one of us or neither can attend because we have a child. I’m sorry, my daughter still relies on me for bed time plus I don’t expect someone to watch her so I can go out. Maybe when she’s older it’ll be different but not right now.

The dynamic of relationships on any level change when you enter a new phase in your life. As you see the one that took the most hits was my friendships. You learn to accept your relationships for what they are and move forward. I’m still not about to go out drinking or partying anymore but I’m okay with that. My life has steered in a new direction and I’m happy. I appreciate the friends who have stuck by me, who love my daughter like their own, who are abroad but close to our hearts and my new mommy friends.

This wasn’t to throw shade; this was more to shine light that being a mom is hard work and sometimes friendships can be affected by that too.

Mom Fail Fridays – Mombie life

So here’s some tea,

As summer is ending; here comes autumn. It has to be my favourite time of the year. Everything starts to cool off with orange and red accents everywhere. Yes I’m basic but hand me a pumpkin spiced anything and I’m a happy girl. With my little one old enough to enjoy fall activities I’m beyond excited.

What will her costume be? What should I be for Halloween? Maybe a zombie? Because that’s how I’m feeling nowadays. Today’s version of mom fail friday is two “mombie” fails.

Mine – 1 little girl

My little one recently has been very restless in the middle of the night. Thank you teething… *eye roll*

So the other night around 3 am, her restlessness woke me up. I was half asleep, I touched her butt and it was wet. I didn’t even look at my hand I just wipe it on my shirt then proceeded to change her diaper. In my groggy state I looked down at my shirt …. poop. Seriously! Once I changed her and got her back to sleep, I went toss her diaper in the genie. Somehow someway my hand met poop once again. Ughhhhh clearly I need to toss my glasses on when it comes to diaper changes at night.

A friend of mines story – 2 little girls

“My little one woke up at 6 am. Typically I give her a bottle and she goes back to sleep . I try not to turn on a a lot of lights otherwise she’ll be up for good … I poured her milk into the bottle from her thermos . Everything was perfect ! I put her to lay down and gave her the bottle like every other night/ morning …..

Buuuut realized super quickly that my little one was soaked ! This mama was so tired and I forgot to put the stupid lid on the bottle . I knew right then and there this wasn’t going to go well.

The funniest thing was her response . I had to walk away to go get another bottle and clothes & whatnot . Usually she cries but she just looked at me like what in the entire fuck just happened ?!?! Even when I was changing her , she was looking deep into my soul like “ mom , get your shit together “

Have you ever been half asleep and had a mom fail?!

xo

Mom Fail Fridays – baby proofing

So here’s some tea,

It’s mom fail Friday and a recent fail of mine is baby proofing. By baby proofing I mean I haven’t…. at all. Well we do have the plug covers on and the gate for the stairs. So technically we have the most important things done. Although I underestimated my daughter and where her stinky little fingers will go.

Some women during their nesting phase of pregnancy will start their baby proofing then. Which you may be thinking ‘hey slow down the baby isn’t even here yet’. Those are the women that are thinking ahead! Once the baby arrives you’ll be too tired and consumed with motherhood to even think about it. Which you’ll inevitably forget until you notice your baby on the move. Clearly I’m on the forgetting end of that spectrum. You are technically suppose to start between the ages of 6-10 months due to the fact they’ll be crawling and getting into things. My little one is now 12 months old and has became a tornado. If you leave the lid up in the bathroom all the toilet rolls end up in there and all the clothes will somehow magically appear on on the floor.

Luckily Olessia mainly likes to just remove things from drawers and has only shut it on her fingers gently a few times. Which means I need to take charge before she really hurts herself. Due to where we live now there isn’t a lot of trouble she can get into but I have to cover the basics

Baby proofing

Bathroom

⁃ Toilet lid

⁃ Cabinet

⁃ Toilet roll

⁃ Slip pads in the tub

⁃ Drain cover

Kitchen

⁃ Cabinets

Bedroom

⁃ Dresser cabinets

⁃ Bed rails

Miscellaneous

⁃ Stair gates

⁃ Plug covers

⁃ Door knobs

⁃ Locks

⁃ Cords

⁃ Sharp edges

Honestly baby proofing is a headache and something I’m not very good at. Thinking about places your baby can possibly hurt themselves will have you using the twisted and creative side of your brain. Seriously you hurt herself by dropping a toy on her face …. I guess we never grow out of that. I know what you’re thinking you’ve dropped your phone of your face plenty of times too, Haven’t we all! For the safety of my child though I will baby proof everything if need be but I think I’ll have better luck just covering her in bubble wrap.

Xo

The dreaded sleep regression.

So here’s some tea,

One thing I didn’t know about becoming a mother was sleep regression. I thought once your child starts sleeping through the night you’re in the clear. Oh how I was wrong. In child infancy your little one will go through several sleep regressions.

A sleep regression can be described as a period of time where your baby or toddler sleeping pattern will change abruptly. These changes can include waking up at night, skipping naps or ridiculously short naps. It’s as if you have a newborn again; cognitive and developmental milestones are to blame. This can last between two to six weeks. Therefore if you’re a new parent and you think you’ve achieved the unachievable. Spoiler alert the jokes on you, it’s not over.

These regressions will pop up around these time:

Six weeks

Four months

Eight, nine and ten months (roughly)

Twelves months

Eighteen months

Two years

Tips to get through it

• Extra feedings. I know the idea of more nighttime feedings will make you cringe but it’s not forever.

• Comfort. Your baby will need it through sleep regressions. Hugs and kisses can do no wrong. I’ve read to not create bad habits such as rocking your baby to sleep and etc. But I’m not one to give you advice for that. If I’m tired and want this child to get back to sleep. I will do just about anything to get it done. Note that my little one has never used a pacifier or bottle so I’ve always been her main source of comfort.

• Seek help if the regressions last more than 6 weeks.

• White noise machine works wonders

• Earlier bed time. Naps will be missed and to avoid over tired tears, see if your little one will go down for the night earlier.

You’ll be tired and frustrated but imagine how your child feels. Put yourself in their shoes, socks or booties. They’re growing, minds are racing like crazy and now having trouble sleeping. They’ve learned something new such as crawling or walking and it’s overwhelming. Be patient it’s not forever. Pour yourself another cup of coffee and you can do this. Personally we are going through the twelve month sleep regression at the moment. Therefore Olessia is skipping naps and attached to the boob at night. I look like I was hit by a bus but it’s almost done … that’s what I keep telling myself. Until we hit the eighteen month mark and it starts all over again.

Anyone have any other sleep regression tips?Share share!

Xo

Some products I use – starting my all natural journey

So here’s some tea,

I know this is a mommy blog but not everything needs to be about the babies! Let’s shine some light on us mommies too. I’m currently going through a change in my life where I’m realizing the effects products and foods are having on my body. I’m taking a page out of the au naturel book and beginning my journey.

Essential oils

At first I was beyond skeptical of oils because I didn’t know much about them. I was so confused how a few drops of an oil can sooth ailments and irritations. A company called Saje is where my essential oil love began. I’m pretty sure a friend of mine bought me my first roll on bottle of peppermint halo. If you aren’t familiar with the company, peppermint halo helps with headaches. I’m pretty sure I don’t need to buy another bottle of Tylenol, this thing works like magic. Essential oils in general are so beneficial for your health! From headaches, fertility and so much more. I have my own personal collection of oils and a diffuser. Trust me it works for little ones too! Especially teething, toss a few chamomile drops in your diffuser or the bottom of their feet and your fussy babies mood will change.

Few oils I love

Peppermint halo – headaches

Tea tree – for everything really

Lavender – improves sleep and much more

Roman chamomile – digestive issue, reduce inflammation and much more

Pain release – pain and sore ligaments

Clary sage– helps balance hormones and much more

Frankincense – boost immune system and much more

Adding certain oils together can do wonderful things you should try it!!

Deodorant

I’ve done a lot of research and believe me I’ve tried a lot of products. Not many worked for me but one. Which I’m still in the detoxing phase but so far no smelly situations. I’ll put it out there though I’ve never been a sweaty person until I started breastfeeding, it’s a workout I tell ya so finding something that worked was a must. Shout out to my au naturel guru for telling me about it!

Why did I want to make this change?

I personally wanted to make the switch for a while now even before I was pregnant because of all the toxins that are in antiperspirant and their link to cancers. I’m putting my foot down I refuse to buy another antiperspirant deodorant.

DID NOT WORK

Lush powder

Saje crystal

Toms

Soft & Dry

Currently Working

Jason

Beauty products

Lush Coal face soap – I have very oily skin and this soap leaves your face cleanser and helps with excess oils!

Lush tea tree oil facial spray – I use this toner everyday. Helps with blemishes and leaves me refreshed

Lush is fresh and handmade but controversial. Due to the fact that there are some products that do contain small traces of parabens, just putting it out there.

Parabens are found in cosmetic products to stop the forming of yeast and bacteria. Parabens are being linked to cancer as well

I’m currently looking into making my own personal products from scratch to eliminate any and all interaction with parabens.

Hair products

Coconut oil ; I use this as an extra conditioner to help moisten my hair. It’s also great for taking off make up, stretch marks and lotion for your skin!

Apple cider vinegar is the holy grail for me. I use this for everything. I love how it cleanses my hair in a water to AVC ratio as well as a feminine cleanse (not as a douche just outside!)

Help me with my journey, any natural products you know of? Please share 🙂